we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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