i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
