you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think my moral compass just broke
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
