Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
