eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize