well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
