it's not cheating when I paid for it
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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