I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
dude. I can hear the air.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
