Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
