i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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