Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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