I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
