I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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