They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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