I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
