Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize