I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
