..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
