I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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