I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
