I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize