Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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