can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
