She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
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