I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
