We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Randomize
