theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
