what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
