nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
