You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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