oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
