If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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