I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
