Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
