4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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