the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How naked do you want me to be?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
