I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
