If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
