apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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