i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
