I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
