I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
