Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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