he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
