Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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