I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
