my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
