So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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