I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
