It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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