Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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