Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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