Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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