This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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