so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
