Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
