..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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