Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
dude. I can hear the air.
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