I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
