i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
