He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize