Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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