her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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