Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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