OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
