I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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