why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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