The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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