finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
