You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
