There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
