WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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