I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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