I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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