I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
