you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
