atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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