haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Drunk is a universal language darling
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
