I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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