I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize