Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
