Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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