she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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