I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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