just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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