you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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