I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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