I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
