It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
