Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
