It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
