I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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