Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
