I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
