I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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