I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
