how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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