dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
